The art of persuasion

Persuasion is about influence. It is a super useful skill to invite your team to co-create with you. So often in product roles, this is exactly what we could use more of. Persuasion skills could help you to be able to agree on a strategy, or to get to alignment on our OKRs or the next roadmap item to tackle. If we can persuade our senior management team and powerful stakeholders to trust our strategy and approach, we get to choose initiatives and we get to say no to proposals for initiatives that don’t build value for clients and our organization. Ultimately our ability to work as an empowered product team (rather than one that continuously executes somebody else’s ideas) rests on our ability to persuade the rest of the organization that they can trust our ability to build the right value, find the right solutions and create the impact and financial results the organization wants. This blog article invites you to think of persuasion as an “art of invitation” for it to have the biggest chance of success.

Persuasion as an invitation

Persuasion works when somebody feels compelled and inspired to follow your lead. It requires trust in your competency. This invitation to join you has a good chance of success if you can build a clear and confident product vision and strategy based on both your client’s and your organization’s validated needs. For that you first need to listen and learn, build trust and rapport, and show that you care to build value for both your clients and your organization.

Persuasion needs an aim. If I want to persuade you to join me in doing something, I need to be able to clearly communicate the direction and goal we’re looking to move towards. Personally, I want to be part of initiatives that positively create and shape the world to be in a better place. I like to be for something and part of creating it. (I am of course aware that persuasion also works in coming together around a cause that is against something. Persuasion can unfortunately work particularly well to activate people around their fear of others or things that look threatening). Persuading somebody to join your cause rests on your ability to be very clear about what that future state will be that you want collaborators and co-creators for. There is a direct connection here between visioning and goal setting, the clarity and attractiveness of that vision, how much people care, and your ability to persuade them to come along.

Persuasion and caring for a vision

Your biggest chance of being persuasive is when you find reasons for you and everyone in the group to care about and want the same thing. If you can unite around a goal and a direction, it’s inviting for others to join you. This is the underlying power of being clear about why you want to do something. Simon Sinek famously spoke about this in his TED talk: “Start with Why! People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you want to do it.” Any successful sale is an act of persuasion, an invitation to buy or use something. We all know that typically works the best when there is a real need, a real problem solved, a real improvement for somebody’s life as a result of their use of that product.

Dancing and persuasion – lessons learnt

I’ve been dancing Argentine tango for more than 20 years. It is a 100% improvised dance, and if you want to think about it this way: every single step you take together is an act of persuasion to move in the same direction together. It starts with an intention to move (in a certain direction, with a specific length of a step, with a specific speed that fits with the music in that moment). Then there is also the connection (somebody capable of clearly sending a signal and somebody capable and willing to receive and execute it with their body by taking a step). And finally, there is stepping together and jointly co-creating a dance. You repeat this hundreds of times in the course of a few dances and you will know and remember what dancing feels like with a particular partner (it will make you choose to want to dance with them again – or not – depending on how this collaboration worked). There are literally hundreds of little acts of persuasion (or you might call them leading or inviting or co-creating) in every dance interaction you have. Here is what I learned from that:

• Pressure and force are the opposite of an invitation to co-create. They create resistance and pushback.
• It takes two to tango (somebody capable of leading AND somebody willing to co-create with them)
• The more clear the lead, the less confusion and joy around joint execution
  The more hesitant or unsure the lead, the more confusion and disconnected movement
• The more calm, relaxed and open the dancers are, the more space there is for fun, exploration and play
• Stressed, anxious or nervous dancers make it hard to have joy, creativity or playfulness in a dance. Following an anxious or stressed leader does not feel inviting.
• There is no hierarchy in a great dance: yes, somebody leads (or initiates or invites), and somebody follows, but you both co-create the dance and the amount of joy you have is a result of both of you creating it together (it’s neither exclusively the leaders nor the follower’s job). And still the intention, energy and influence of the leader (in other words their skill of persuasion) makes the dance feel inviting and joyful (or forced and flat).

All of this translates pretty much 1:1 to leadership in a team. Leading in ways that feel inviting, free of pressure, calm, relaxed and open, and most importantly at eye-level (without enforcing hierarchy) creates a voluntary co-creation in an aligned direction. It allows for your team to show up playful, creative and with joy. Qualities required for innovative and high performing teams.

The dark side of persuasion

I think it’s also interesting to look at the dark side of persuasion. The parts to stay away from that will not help to co-create together sustainably. There can be a fine line between persuasion and coercion or manipulation. Let’s look at those two:

Persuasion vs. Coercion

When persuasion feels like coercion there is a lack of care for each other (or the team / organization). When a leader does not care for the interests and ideas of others, their team can feel like they are coerced or forced to do something against their interests, values or will. As a leader you might lean on the power of hierarchy to get the team to do what you want, but it will likely lead to inertia, subversion or active sabotage of your efforts if the team does not feel included, heard, listened to and cared for with their needs, ideas and values.

The antidote to this in my mind is a mindset of interconnection, humility and “being in this together” that puts the larger cause, vision and strategy above any individual agenda in the team. Which is why clarity on vision can be such a powerful force for alignment and persuade a team to agree to work in the same direction together. It also helps to think of everyone in your team as naturally creative, resourceful and whole and fully capable to co-create with you. Equally valuable and capable means you know you’d be a fool not listening to them and their ideas. Especially in highly complex contexts where nobody on the team will have all the answers by themselves.

Persuasion vs. Manipulation

When persuasion feels like manipulation some of the same themes are at play. There is a lack of trust in the leader caring about others or the greater team vision and a perception that they are putting themselves and their own needs above those of the other people in their team. It feels like there is no true listening and a lack of acknowledging all interests in the room. It comes across like acting selfish and without honest care for the people in the team.

The antidote to this in my mind is practicing listening, lots of acknowledgement and again a mindset of interconnection. A true belief that nobody in the team on a human level is more important or better than any other person on the team (regardless of title, seniority, role or any other aspect of identity).

There is a tension here: experience can mean that some people in the team have more skill and knowledge to contribute than others, the trick is to not make the less experienced team members feel less valuable on a human level. They deserve to be listened to with the same sincerity, they deserve explanations, and their ideas may be fresh and innovative in ways that are super helpful to the team. While at the same time not discounting the experience, knowledge, skill and wisdom more senior team members bring to the table. The trick is to build on every team member’s strength and finding the value in diverse perspectives.

The art of persuasion

To me, the art of persuasion lies in finding that balance point:

No direction	Persuasion as Invitation	Forcefully dictating
Too weak	just right	too much

The way I like to think of it is: Make it inviting and fun to collaborate, to co-create and shape the world in positive ways. Solving your customer’s pain points in a way that is both valuable to them and to your organization, is an act of service requiring many moments of invitation (or persuasion) to collaborate in service of them. It asks of you to paint a clear picture of the vision you have for your clients and team, and to make it exciting, inviting and fun to be on your path towards it together.

How does this look like? It is about curiosity and empathy in discovery, about celebrating the learnings and insights along the way, praising innovative new ideas, and celebrating the milestones reached. It helps to praise and incentivize teamwork: it’s noticing and praising when you witness team members helping each other, asking for help, showing generosity and actively building trust. It’s about finding ways to enjoy and appreciate the humans you work with and for and the work you’re doing. These are all building blocks of successfully persuading your team to co-create your vision and impact for your clients with you.

And this is a two way street: be open to be invited to / persuaded of better ways if something does not work out as planned, or if you miss the mark and accidentally leave an impact that feels coercive or manipulative to your team. Your team will happily tell you, if you invite their feedback and if you made it safe enough for them to voice their needs. I hope I could make it compelling for you to look at persuasion as an art of invitation and a great way to positively influence alignment, collaboration and joy in your team.

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

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If you would like to explore this more: reach out for a free coaching session with me.
I coach, speak, do workshops and blog about #leadership, #product leadership, #AIEthics #innovation, the #importance of creating a culture of belonging and how to succeed with your #hybrid or #remote teams.

I’m also hosting a 3,5 day in person leadership retreat in the beautiful Bavarian Alps this fall. This will be an immersive experience to explore how you as a leader can intentionally create thriving and successful teams. What the best version of you as a leader looks like and what unconscious reactive patterns might stand in your way. We’ll look at practical ways to shift these. Join me and Philippe for the Inclusive Leaders Retreat! (Sept. 28th – Oct 1st, SEINZ Wisdom Resort Hotel, Early Bird Price is EUR 1990 through August 15th).

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